Sonder is “the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk”. This concept was coined by John Koneig, a writer who explored emotions that still lacked names, in 2012. This idea is important to understand and truly comprehend because, oftentimes, people get caught up in the problems or situations that are happening in their lives and forget to acknowledge that everyone around them is experiencing the same intricate life, just in a different way. 

As much as you and I focus on our own lives 24/7, we also impact those around us in subtle and unsubtle ways. There will be people you impact and affect daily, as those are the people nearest to you, but sometimes you affect other people’s life stories in ways you could not imagine, and those people you might not ever get the chance to encounter. 

I believe that if every person got to understand this concept on a personal and deeper level, the world could come a little closer. Knowing that each person we cross, talk to, or even smile at, without saying a word, is experiencing something at their own level is important for us in having empathy for others. 

Delaney Bojorquez (12) shares that “I have personally never heard of this concept, but I find it very fascinating, and I hope to lean into this concept of sonder and empathy to help me view others. I am constantly dancing, and the girls I share this passion with are also extremely burnt out and practice for hours on end weekly, and it is very easy to become quick to anger, and I believe that this concept can help everybody, no matter how they use it in their life”.

The concept of sonder can be experienced everywhere you could imagine, even in the most ordinary places like grocery stores or waiting rooms. For example, have you ever passed by somebody at the grocery store with unusual or interesting items? If you have, you probably wondered, “I wonder what they will do that?” or maybe, “Is it a tradition they do?” Perhaps you have thought, “Is it something they buy weekly?”  As these questions appear to others, so do others’ questions to us. 

If each person grasped this concept, it could truly help the way people interpret conflict or connection. It is important to remember that if someone is ever short-tempered or unkind, it is always best to pause and think about what they could be carrying into that day. For those people, they could have barely made it out of bed this morning, or maybe they just experienced some of the best news of their lives and are not sure how to share it. As humans, people could be going through any one of thousands of scenarios.

McKenzi Reiter (12), who is so deeply passionate about this topic that she wrote her college essay on it, shares her personal experience with it and how it has guided her through hard times in her life. She says, “Empathy has become my default lens. When a friend went through the death of a close relative, I found myself revisiting my own grief–not to center myself but to better walk beside her. Sonder taught me that empathy doesn’t require perfect understanding–just the willingness to believe in another depth.”

 I understand that sometimes when someone presents an attitude, it can be hard not snap back, but even though someone might not have reacted in the best way, it is always important to give others grace, because there are moments when you and I can be going through an extremely hard day, and we can come off as harsh and rude as well. If everyone could pause and take a moment to think about how the person they’re interacting with, despite their differences, has a story as rich and difficult and meaningful as their own, this world could make baby steps to becoming united in humanity. 

I hope that, whether this is the first time you hear about this concept or not, it brings either a completely new insight into your life and helps us become more empathetic of those who surround us each and every day.