For many high school seniors, the idea of having a dream school first starts as a motivation and a small source of willpower. It is the place that somehow represents almost everything they hope their future will be and consist of. But as college admissions grow increasingly competitive each year, that dream does start to carry a surprising amount of emotional weight on these young adults, and can have unwanted effects.
What just seems like a simple application, consisting of a few essays, test scores, and a transcript, often results in something much bigger, as it can almost feel like a verdict on years of effort and self-worth. Expectations have significantly risen in the sense of academic achievement, and students are unintentionally putting a part of their identity into these applications and admissions results.
“I never realized how much I tied my value to this school until I faced it the hard way and was rejected,” says Calista Nyugen (12). “No matter what people tell me, it truly does feel like all the work I have done in high school didn’t matter anymore.”
This strong pressure that handfuls of seniors undergo is not uncommon and is completely normal. The concept is that a dream school can create a clear goal when thinking about a successful future, as it pushes students to stay focused and challenge themselves both academically and mentally. But there is another side to it when one outcome becomes everything, and that possibility or feeling of rejection can feel devastating and degrading. There is that constant comparison to our peers and that continuous all-or-nothing mindset that eventually takes a mental toll on students. Social media often amplifies this, as college decisions are public announcements and comparisons that are hard to ignore.
Abby Reddick (12) shares, “It’s weird because everyone says ‘you’ll end up where you’re meant to be,’ but it doesn’t feel anything like that in the moment. With this dream in mind, before I even entered high school, no one prepares you for that feeling of opening that portal and seeing that dream crushed.”
From a psychological standpoint, this feeling and reaction make total sense. When a goal is deeply personal and has been set in stone long-term, the brain processes its loss similarly to other forms of disappointment or even grief. The dream school becomes a symbol of one’s happiness and belonging, and if destroyed, it can cause diminishing effects.
But it is so important to reframe this mindset, as a college decision is nowhere near a measure of one’s intelligence or worth. Admissions decisions are influenced by countless factors, many of which are outside students’ control. The reality is that having a dream school is neither entirely good nor entirely harmful. It can work simultaneously, inspiring lots of ambition but also, more so, creating unrealistic expectations and emotional strain on students.
