It is no mystery that our lives must have some mystery. Otherwise, we would be leading lives of stagnant boredom without the joy or suspense of surprise parties, application decisions, or when that package will arrive. However, once we as individuals become the mystery, we diminish opportunities to connect with others, create superficial relationships, and repress emotions.
I can’t pretend I have not attempted to be nonchalant, whether accidentally or purposefully. Most of the time, it’s the result of a fear of embarrassment or doing something seen as socially unacceptable. But I can confidently say that, in most cases, I have accumulated several regrets because of my indifference, which I believe is true for people who use nonchalance as a shield.
Modern society has begun to glorify nonchalance as a sign of strength and independence. It is seen as a triumph to appear more indifferent or cold than another in a two-way relationship. Social media greatly romanticizes the nature of nonchalance, embedding in users’ minds that it is desirable to act “hard to get.” Our actions have become defined by an individual sense of pride and an unwillingness to seem foolish, desperate, or pushy. However, senior Stacey Kim (12) states, “Sometimes, having the goal or mindset of being nonchalant actually takes more effort, and it comes across as trying too hard.”
But when did it become a weakness to be human? Is it weak to send that dreaded double text, to cry at depictions of death, or to express love? We are wired to require social connections, and nonchalance only severs mental ties with friends, family, or significant others. It’s okay to express pain and discomfort or elation and awe because it is evidence of our humanity.
Yes, it’s easier to pretend not to care or act detached to conceal undesirable feelings. However, this only buries thoughts in our unconscious. Although they cease to exist at the moment, they can arise again in the long run, and the only way to prevent this is to confront emotions as they appear. However, emotions should indeed be expressed in moderation, as excessive or intense feelings can contribute to their own negative health effects. Katherine Cullen of Psychology Today writes that “suppressing emotions increases our stress levels,” and that a healthier method of dealing with emotions comprises acknowledging and responding to them instead of pushing them away.
Junior Tiana Zhang (11) speaks of the detrimental effects of remaining nonchalant: “If you’re forcing carelessness, it takes more effort than if you were to just display how you feel in the first place. This concept of us trying to be nonchalant through the way we dress or act is far more detrimental than if we were to display our emotions and intentions.”
It is a common trend for teens to take, as Tiana Zhang (11) describes, “the path of least resistance” when dealing with arguments or tough relationships. Now, it is too simple for us to ghost one another, choosing the easy way out instead of facing the harsher reality. Without greater face-to-face contact, people become no more than a profile picture and words on a screen. However, our generation can combat this by making intentional efforts to communicate, rather than remaining nonchalant. Having meaningful conversations ties loose ends and ensures that neither side is left with regrets or uncertainty.
I cannot stress enough how important it is for us to adopt new values and let go of the air of mystery we often allow to clog our behavior and empathy. Clap at the end of a movie, dance in public, text a friend about your passions—it can be difficult, but do not let the fear of embarrassment prevent you from leading a life of minimal regret.
