Many of us, including myself, have insecurities that sometimes make us anxious and scared when really there’s no need to be. Ever since we were little, many parents engraved a people pleaser mentality into us, and we learned that in order to get anywhere in life, we need to stick to those ideas. A lot of us give into these mentalities on a daily basis, which can result in bad habits that end up following us into our adult lives. These bad habits can result in way too many awkward encounters and never truly feeling confident in yourself.I’m no expert, but here are some tips I’ve heard that can help people to respect you more, and can even help you to increase your respect for yourself.  

First, you have to stop trying to please everyone. As I stated earlier, though people-pleasers may have good intentions, in reality, it can cause people to take advantage of your kindness, and it often does not show people who you really are because you are just trying to show them a side of you that makes them happy. The mentality that you’re there to serve everyone is the very thing that diminishes you in front of other people. People begin to think of you as someone who’s wasting their time, instead of someone who’s worth their time. 

Next, you must try and maintain eye contact. I know it can get weird, but it distinguishes you from the thousands of people who are glued to their phones and are too scared to say hi. It’s especially important to not break eye contact first and to make sure you’re holding it for longer than it seems comfortable. Following that, is that you must take up more space. Whoever coined the term “man-spreading” was most likely jealous of people with confidence. Showing that you’re able to take up a little more space tells people that you’re not afraid to get comfortable and that you feel good in your own skin. 

Following this, it is important to understand that it is okay to say no and have your own limits. You have a life and your own things to do, and you don’t always have to give up your time and effort for other people. Always being available shows that you have no mission, no goals, and that you’re always willing to give yourself to satisfy another person. Satisfy yourself first. Though being there for others is important, being there for yourself is as well. 

Furthermore, try slowing down a bit. Always being in a hurry and rushing may come across as jittery and nervous. When you are slow and relaxed, it shows that you are in control of the situation and that you move at your own pace. 

Following that, is having clear boundaries and executing them. Boundaries are by far the most important thing. Respectable people don’t allow their time and energy to be invaded by people who have no regard for boundaries. They respect themselves enough to not let people cross them. Also, you are not offending anyone by illustrating that you have boundaries you want them to respect. Most people would be inspired by that. “I’ve actually been implementing a few of these, such as eye contact and man-spreading, into my daily life and it’s helped me to gain so much confidence” (Noelle Bullis 10). 

Learning how to earn people’s respect is something we will learn over time, but hopefully these tips will help you get there. I also hope that these tips help you to gain respect yourself. A lot of the time we cross our own boundaries and give so much ourselves that there’s nothing left, but everyone should know that they deserve to be respected by everyone around them, including themselves.