Teenagers today are constantly complaining about having been “born in the wrong generation,” because of the way in which modern technology has changed society and how most people live their lives. While all of these advances have had tremendously positive impacts, one area that has suffered greatly is the dating scene. Suddenly, favoriting (which isn’t even a real word, by the way) someone’s tweet now qualifies as flirting, regardless of what the actual tweet says. Consistently starring a member of the opposite sex’s tweet is enough to make them raise their eyebrows, which sounds ridiculous, because it is. “Sliding into the DM’s,” referring to direct messaging, is a casually recognized term, meaning the first message sent to someone via Twitter or Instagram. It’s supposed to show them that you’re interested, but not as genuine as a real conversation, and definitely a lot less scary.

There’s also a universal timeline that can tell someone exactly where two people are at in their relationship – from the time they are complete strangers until they are dating. The first part is “talking.” It does not mean what you think it means. If two people are talking, there is some kind of mutual understanding that they’re into each other and have probably hung out a few times (Hanging out is not the same as dating. Dating is more committal, more forward, and therefore the exact thing most teenagers want to avoid. Saying “will you go on a date with me?” is much more dangerous than “wanna hang out?” It’s like saying “Voldemort” instead of “He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.” Just don’t go there).

If talking goes well, they become a thing. That’s right – a thing. Somehow everyone knows what that means, but nobody can think of a good word for it. It’s called a thing because it’s practically impossible to identify or to label.

For example, someone will ask, “Hey, are they dating?”

And their friend would respond by saying, “No, they’re just a thing,” and then they would both silently nod in understanding. The whole idea is very arbitrary, but if two people are a thing, they for sure like each other, but only a few people know. They definitely “hang out” all the time and may have gone to a dance together. Neither of them wants to be with anyone else, but they’re not quite yet exclusive.

After that, the next stage would be officially dating, which means someone to help you get more likes on Instagram and make out with in the hallways.

And for those of you who were single on Valentine’s Day – that’s okay. Treat yourself to a nice bath and a Netflix marathon and remember that modern high school relationships aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.