The Wrangler’s new How to Survive weekly series will provide a steady stream of helpful (and sometimes sarcastic) information that will get an average adolescent human being into the constant swing of life…just don’t jump off into the wood chips at the wrong time.

Question: does Disneyland ever have an “off” day?

It’s kind of crazy how popular it is, and admission has only soared, judging from the ever-increasing price tickets. While at first a visit may seem like a daunting, frightening, and/or exciting task, this article will serve the truth up cold: it’s not. In reality, it’s quite the opposite. Half a trip to Disneyland is the hype: the company makes itself out to be a huge deal, but in reality it’s basically a bunch of people in heavy makeup and a couple applications of practical physics manifested in the forms of flying elephants.

1. THERE IS NO WAY TO SURVIVE THE CROWD.

Basically just accept that fact. Even if you go on an “off” day (whatever that is), expect it to be crowded. Because if you had the brilliant idea of going to Disneyland, chances are that other people had it too. Even Baylee Weston (11), a frequent Disneyland visitor, agrees, saying, “Get a Fast Pass to Indiana Jones and Space Mountain, because otherwise the lines will get too long and you’ll miss out on your opportunity to go.” (For people unfamiliar with Disneyland, Fast Passes allow you to skip the regular lines and go into special, faster lines. The only catch is that you have to get to the ride by a certain time, and not always when it’s convenient for your group.)

2. IF YOU WANT TO SAVE MONEY, DON’T SPEND IT.

EVERYTHING in the entire park is going to be expensive. Don’t expect it to be otherwise. If you (meaning your parents) coughed up the dough for an annual pass, or even just a ticket, you’ve got to have extra cash to spare to buy something to eat, or a souvenir as a memory of the trip you’ll probably never take again. Or, if you (meaning your parents) spent all your money on the ticket itself, it’s totally fine to be that person on the side of the walkway eating his or her sandwich out of a Ziploc bag. I was that person…once upon a time. (See what I did there?)

3. GO WITH PEOPLE YOU ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH.

Chances are, you’re going to be waiting in a lot of lines. Chances are, your phone is going to be almost dying or already dead. Chances are, you’re going to have to strike up a conversation with the people with whom you’re hanging out. So go with people you actually like. Talk to them. Get to know them. It sounds cheesy, but waiting in lines has a lot more pizzazz (see what I did there? Cheese? Pizza? Haha, I know I’m funny) when you’re with people you enjoy spending time with. Don’t be the kid with his earbuds in.

4. MICKEY EARS ARE OPTIONAL IN YOUR INSTAGRAM PICTURES.

I personally do not own a pair. I know that many people do, and that it’s a “thing,” but quite honestly, they’re optional. If you must have them, order them off Amazon. (They’re nine bucks. Much cheaper than if you get them in the park.) But don’t feel the need to fit in with the Instagram crowd. Also, that spinning-teacup picture? Optional. Totally.
I’ll be honest: I haven’t been to Disneyland in, say, five years. But I do go on Instagram a lot, and my friends always go there and it looks fun, so…that counts, right?