Self-compassion is when you give yourself the same support, kindness, and love that you would give a friend or family member. However, in today’s world, it can be a struggle to practice self-compassion when considering outside factors such as stress, school, work, and personal problems. A lack of self-compassion can stem from societal pressures, negative self-talk, and past experiences, leading to self-depreciation and difficulty expressing kindness to oneself. Although self-compassion has countless positives, such as decreased anxiety and better self-esteem, why do people lack self-compassion despite the benefits?
People lack self-compassion for numerous reasons, many of which are rooted in experiences and outside influences. One reason is that self-compassion can be seen as a weakness. It often requires acknowledging vulnerable emotions, which can be hard for some people to confront. Next, early life experiences play a significant role in shaping our mindset. Some individuals with negative voices in their heads sometimes grew up with overly critical parents, teachers, or peers, which promotes the negativity. Over time, this self-criticism becomes deeply ingrained into their lifestyle, making it challenging to develop a compassionate mindset.
Additionally, perfectionism fosters self-criticism and unattainable standards, which can hinder self-kindness. The need to always be perfect creates feelings of inadequacy, which makes it difficult to accept one’s imperfections and mistakes. Perfectionism involves setting yourself high standards and when you fall short of these unrealistic goals, it creates a sense of shame, where it can be hard to practice self-compassion. Another reason you may lack self-kindness is that you have the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over your own, so naturally, practicing self-compassion can prove challenging. It may feel selfish and unusual to put yourself first. The practice is new to them and they may not know where to start.
Adding on, if you want to start practicing self-compassion and are not sure where to start, there are many ways to learn. The first step, which can be the most challenging for some people, is acknowledging and accepting your emotions. You should pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment and allow yourself to express emotions without suppressing them. This is important for improving self-awareness and helps build a healthy relationship with yourself. Next, Sierra Perez (11) mentions how “the easiest way to be kind to yourself is to treat yourself and participate in self-care activities.” Some self-care activities include getting a massage, shopping, reading a book, or taking a warm bath. Treating yourself helps you acknowledge your achievements and boosts your mood and motivation. Another tip to help you practice self-kindness is to set realistic goals and expectations. You are not perfect and mistakes are normal, which is why it’s important to set achievable goals and expectations to not foster disappointment and negativity. Lastly, Caitlin Vizzone (10) shares a valuable tip, mentioning how “it’s important to recite and enforce positive affirmations as they help you overcome negative thoughts.” Positive affirmations are crucial for cultivating self-compassion because they help replace negative self-talk with kind and supportive language, which helps create a more positive and accepting view of oneself. These tips should help set you on the right track to practicing self-compassion. However, it is a process and requires time and effort, but it will significantly improve your mental well-being and overall happiness.
