Oftentimes, best friends may have a 5-year-long relationship but have barely 10 photos together, or hugging one another may feel unnatural. Two conclusions that many formulate are that either they have a strong relationship, or that their friendship is surface level and short-lived, with many in agreement with the latter option. However, these practices between friends don’t actually lessen the affection and fondness one has for their closest friend; it instead demonstrates the healthiness of their relationship and the wholesome boundaries. To researchers, this is known as the ‘best friend theory.’

For example, some people are naturally huggers and others are not; even if best friends do share many hugs throughout their friendship, this isn’t to say that their relationship is doomed to fail. It all depends on the individuals and what they feel comfortable with. While hugs are subjective to the pair, research still suggests the direct correlation of a pairs’ physical affection to the healthiness and long-lastingness of the twos’ relationship. Therefore, if the unanimous consensus between the friends does include being comfortable with physical affection, it is more likely that the friends communicate in a healthy manner and make sure to set boundaries. Kayla Duke (9) explains that her and her best friend of 6 years have “discussed what is comfortable between the two of them and have had a wonderful friendship.”

When physical boundaries are set, discussed, and agreed upon, it most likely means that emotional boundaries are not trampled upon either. Boundaries are vital in any relationship in order for each individual to feel safe, valued, and respected. While the impact that boundaries pose on relationships is significant, essential, and well known, many often find it difficult to set. Furthermore, many do not know what setting boundaries entails. Boundaries include the ability to say “no”, verbalizing your needs and comfort levels, being honest, and advocating for yourself. While the advice sounds simple and effortless, it is much easier said than done. Many individuals may feel anxious regarding their companion’s reaction. Moreover, many have been conditioned to always please people and to put others before themselves. Even though selflessness is a valuable attribute and being empathetic requires compassion and the acknowledgement of other’s feelings, it is also crucial that one takes care of themselves as well if that means setting boundaries to avoid a toxic and draining relationship. The fear of being disliked, rejected, and feeling guilty poses another obstacle that thwarts people from setting healthy boundaries. The inability to define oneself and self esteem issues may further impede  on one’s journey to healthy boundary setting. It is also important to take into account that different relationships may require different boundaries. 

All in all, don’t be afraid to take the steps that are best for you. In addition, a friendship could be so draining and dispiriting that you may not feel it is even worth salvaging. In this case, distancing yourself from a friend to ensure the healthiest state of your well-being may be the best option. Being a self-advocate is indispensable to guarantee one’s happiness and comfort.