Siblings’ Age Gaps
Siblings with a large age gap
May 17, 2023
As we get older, we start to grow more distant from our siblings. This can be because one sibling is getting ready to move away or go to college. Especially at this time of the year, you or your sibling may be packing to go to college soon. So what is the best age gap for siblings to avoid an unhealthy or complicated relationship?
Although there is no such thing as an “inappropriate” or “bad” age gap, sometimes certain gaps are harder. When siblings are closer in age, it is easier for them to get along because they have similar maturity levels. There are also more common grounds to talk and relate to with your sibling. An ideal age gap would be around 3 years because the siblings can attend school together and could build closer relationships. Rania Sawhney (10) says, “My brother is only 1 year older than me, and going to school with him is great. We get to see what’s happening in each other’s lives, and we share mutual friends. It’s also cool going to the same events as him because it makes us more connected.” However, having such close age gaps is not this easy. As a parent, it can be hard to take care of two toddlers, that’s why having a medium age gap (3 or so years) is ideal. Once one kid isn’t in constant need of attention and care, you can care for another baby.
When siblings have large age gaps, it can be beneficial for the younger kid, but it also places a lot of responsibility on the older child. The younger kid is able to follow and learn from their older sibling, while the older sibling is responsible to help take care or guide their younger sibling. Suhani Desai (10), who has 2 older siblings with over a 10-year age gap, says that “one pro about having siblings with a large age gap is that we fight less since they don’t live at home, so there isn’t really anything to fight about. They also drive me around a lot. One con about having older siblings is that sometimes I can feel excluded from what they’re talking about since the things we talk about are so different.” This also makes their relationship difficult because it may not have that typical “sibling relationship,” where you fight, then laugh, and go through phases together. Larger age gaps may come off as another parent-child relationship, depending on how large the age difference is. This option is typically easier for parents because they can rely on the eldest to help care for their other siblings. Plus, they already have experience raising their eldest, so they know how to do a lot of things for the next kid’s future.
One thing that will always be a common factor in siblings despite their age gap is jealousy. Siblings are constantly trying to compete with one another. This may be for their parents’ approval or just for their own self-consciousness. Younger siblings may be jealous of how much more freedom or success their older sibling is having. Whereas older siblings may feel jealous because their younger siblings may have had a different experience than them growing up since they may be “babied” or get to just learn from their mistakes.
