When you see a certain person, do you experience any of the following symptoms: accelerated heart rate? Blood rushing to the face and ears? Light-headedness? A fluttering sensation in the stomach? Stuttering? Feelings of euphoria? If so, you may be experiencing a crush. As Valentine’s Day is around the corner, many have begun to contemplate the depth of their romantic feelings for that special someone or even have plans to express them. However, although a crush can be a beautiful and fun experience, it can also cause great agony and despair, especially when unrequited. It is important to consider how your feelings may affect your life, and whether or not it is healthy or rational to maintain them. Among the many pandemics that have afflicted humankind, lovesickness is one of the oldest and most impactful.

Specifically, “lovesickness refers to the strong feelings that arise from being unable to be with your loved one physically or emotionally” (www.webmd.com). Maybe you’re too shy or anxious to confess to your crush, a sense that they do not feel the same way, or know that their heart is elsewhere. Despite the reason, it is tough to discard your feelings and let go. In fact, the unattainability of a crush may make them even more desirable. Scientifically, it has also been proven that we get addicted to the feeling of love—the rushes of dopamine and heart-fluttering excitement.

Although often a blessing, love can sometimes feel like the greatest curse. It can cause extreme heartache to see the person you fancy look at someone else, and only be able to admire them from afar. From day to night, lovesickness can eat away at a person, creating an unhealthy obsession—constantly checking his or her crush’s social media profiles, waiting for messages that may never come, wincing at pictures with potential love rivals, and always fantasizing about their crush reciprocating their feelings. As Norah Li (12) says, “you constantly find yourself thinking about them [despite] knowing that it won’t work out.” Daily life can be significantly affected negatively; it is easy to find yourself neglecting homework, work, other relationships, and even your  health (such as reduced appetite, lack of sleep, depression, etc.) due to being distracted by your crush. This vicious cycle can last from a few days to years, depending on the depth of an individual’s feelings. For the sake of the future, one must distinguish between true or attainable love and infatuation. 

So, is there any way to dislodge Cupid’s arrow? With the exception of a few generally recommended tips or methods, such as deleting your crush’s photos and blocking his or her social media accounts, there is, unfortunately, no exact and direct cure for lovesickness. However, there are certain ways to remedy and eventually overcome it. The primary method would be “by focusing on [yourself] and working to be a better version of [yourself],” as Norah Li (12) did to overcome her own lovesickness in the past. “Over time [your] feelings will fade, you will feel better about yourself, and know that you deserve better,” she reassures others who have been afflicted. Focus your energies on something new, and pace yourself in limiting the time or amount you do or think about anything related to your crush. If you find yourself caught in limerence—a term defined as long-term, usually unrequited, & deep or obsessive love to the point of intrusive thoughts—and struggle to overcome it, consider talking to a therapist to sort your feelings out and learn how to appropriately deal with them.

Pick up a new hobby, focus more on your studies, hang out with friends or new people more often, refine a skill, or whatever else you can divert your energies towards to be productive and loosen the grip your crush may have on you. Don’t let one person or your insecurities control your life and consume precious time. By being diligent enough, you will likely be able to break free of the chains of love for a bittersweet yet necessary goodbye. You may even discover an even more fulfilling love with someone new.