It is currently eight o’clock on a school night while I am typing an article to whomever may choose to read it. The new year has passed and with it so has the will to sit down and do nothing with life. A feeling that many people I have spoken with, including myself, have expressed. New year resolutions are being preached far and wide for 2019, yet is it better to have a specific and tangible goal to reach, or take it full swing and broaden out an achievement in hopes of finding different ways to accomplish it?

Over the past few years I have personally kept my goals small and somewhat do able. Not the simple “lose weight” that every aunt on Facebook decides to share with the world, but rather I will tell myself to work out five times a week at seven thirty each night to have a schedule to stick to. Based off the time now, it is safe to assume I have not followed that goal since 2014. While I did, I saw results. I felt healthier, my life was more in order, my room had been cleaner, and I felt like there was a reason to make it to that night. Yet at the same time, no matter how much I did it was never quite enough.

The next year, I had gone more broad. “Be more open”. Seventh grade came and went and with it the best friends I had ever had the pleasure to know, many of whom I still smile at and nod to in the halls today. But those friends came and went, and do nothing more than a nod back now. Still, some of the deepest talks I have had that grew me into the person I am today come from the year 2015.

Fast forward to freshman year and I had decided to branch out by “never being the first to say no”. If someone needed to talk, I was there. If there was a problem, I tried to solve it. No matter who or when, I was there for them. To this day I know people I would take a bullet for and they would do the same for me just based off a twenty minute conversation after school. Though, in the year 2017, I forgot to help out one very important person; that person being myself. Luckily, I kindled enough relationships to help me with that later my next year.

My next year being last year, 2018. “Worry less, but work more. Homework by four thirty, but friends on Fridays”. Specific, yes. Efficient, yes. I felt like I was trying my hardest and loved the feeling of sleeping when I deemed it to be my time to sleep, but also being able to have the freedom to make relationships I had not had since seventh grade. I even got closer to the family of a boy that makes me happier than most people know. But, some days it felt no matter how hard I tried, I was not doing enough. Friends chose others over me because I was too busy and my grades had never been lower, so what was the best option?

Now, 2019. I have (almost, maybe, hopefully) found the balance as I hope the reader of this will try to as well. One big goal, and maybe a few small ones to achieve the big one. My goal this year is not to change myself, or try to cut off who I am and my brain is by blocking anxiety, or to lower standards yet raise stakes: it is to be happy, plain and simple with the people that make me feel that way.

How does one achieve this? For me, I will write once a week to stimulate my brain and give me an outlet. Maybe I will choose my days to be alone and to be with the people I love who I need to remember love me just the same. And also, to let one thing go everyday. Because a new year should not mean a new me, it should mean an improved me. No need to forget the lessons and resolutions I had made before, but to simply improve upon them.

Which is better? That is up to the person reading this. But in my eyes, a mixture of both can set a person on a path that leaves them with room to breathe and order to follow. I shall see where my road to plain happiness takes me this year because perhaps setting a resolution does not have to be something to fail at, but rather something to grow with over the years as I hope you do too.