Mr. Wall’s Tips For Life

Photo+courtesy++of+Jake+Johnson

Photo courtesy of Jake Johnson

Mr. Walls, Teacher and Coach
October 16, 2014

  • Its not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.
  • Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.
  • Never push someone off a dock.
  • You marry someone, you marry their whole family.
  • Just raise your glass. No need to clink it.
  • You donʼt get to choose your own nickname.
  • If you have the right of way, TAKE IT.
  • Donʼt pose with booze.
  • Cellphones have amplifiers.
  • Its never too late for an apology.
  • When traveling, keep your wits about you.
  • Ask your mom to play. She wonʼt let you win.
  • Eat lunch with the new kids.
  • In her dadʼs eyes, until you marry her, youʼre not in the picture
  • When youʼre with new friends, donʼt just talk about old friends.
  • Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
  • Be mindful of what comes between you and the earth. Buy good tires, good sheets and good shoes.
  • Never get your haircut the day of a big event.
  • Donʼt jog shirtless
  • If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature
  • In pickup basketball, let someone else call the fouls.
  • If you choose to go in drag, donʼt sell yourself short.
  • Donʼt linger in a doorway. In or out.
  • A handshake beats an autograph
  • At a ball park, never start a wave. But donʼt let it die.
  • Donʼt fill up on bread, no matter how good
  • Take a vacation from the internet, cell phones and TV once a year
  • Tell people when you want a gift, no one is a mind reader
  • The best way to show thanks is to wear it, even if its only once
  • Donʼt mention sunburns, they know
  • All guns are loaded
  • Never lie to your doctor
  • Donʼt squash bugs
  • A suntan is earned, not bought
  • Hold your heroes to a higher standard
  • Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girlfriend
  • There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs isnʼt one.
  • Never cancel dinner plans by text message
  • Donʼt knock it till you try it
  • If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck
  • Always use “we” when referring to your home team or your government
  • Act like youʼve been there before, especially in the end zone (Donʼt be surprised by success.)
  • When entrusted with a secret, keep it
  • Donʼt underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE
  • Just because you can, doesnʼt mean you should
  • Nothing good happens after 3 am
  • All hats serve a purpose, that purpose ceases when you step inside
  • Donʼt get married before you can legally drink
  • Donʼt dumb it down
  • Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas
  • You only get one chance to notice a new haircut
  • If youʼre staying more than a night, unpack
  • Never park in front of a bar
  • Always RSVP
  • Return lost wallets with everything in them
  • Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
  • When building a fire, pick deadwood from trees, not on the ground.
  • Donʼt make a scene
  • When giving a thank you speech keep it short
  • Know when to ignore the camera
  • Suck it up
  • Be subtle. She (or he) sees you.
  • Give credit. Take blame.
  • Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp
  • When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser
  • Never gloat
  • Make time for your mom on your birthday. Itʼs her special day too.
  • Invest in great luggage.
  • Offer your date the seat with the best view of the restaurant.
  • Never be the last one in the pool
  • Never turn down an invitation to speak in public
  • Donʼt stare, people watch
  • Address anyone who carries a firearm professionally as Sir or Maʼam.
  • Stand up to bullies. Youʼll only have to do it once.
  • If youʼve made your point, stop talking.
  • Admit when you are wrong.
  • If you offer to help, donʼt quit until the job is done.
  • Look people in the eye when you thank them.
  • Never post a picture online that you wouldnʼt feel comfortable showing your worst enemy.
  • Be a good listener. Donʼt just wait your turn to talk.
  • Carry your motherʼs bags. She carried you for 9 months.
  • In college, always sit at the front of the classroom. Youʼll stand out immediately. Theyʼll remember come grade time.
  • Keep your word
  • Never side against your brother/sister in a fight
  • Always make friends with the janitors, butchers and secretaries.
  • Be patient with airplane personnel.
  • Offer your seat to a woman, no matter how old she is.
  • If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
  • You wonʼt always be the strongest or fastest. You can be the toughest.
  • Call your mom. She misses you.
  • Donʼt litter.
  • Never call someone before 9am or after 9 pm.
  • If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.
  • In a real fight donʼt hesitate to fight dirty.
  • Never talk during a movie.
  • The opposite sex likes people who shower
  • Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
  • Donʼt gamble
  • You are what you do, not what you say.
  • An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask them for advice when you need it.
  • Learn to change a tire.
  • Nuke a wet rag for one minute to make it easier to clean inside a microwave
  • Bad acne? Sleep on a fresh towel (replace nightly) across your pillow.
  • You will probably be average at most things you do. This is perfectly fine and once you accept it you will enjoy life a great deal more.
  • Perfect isnʼt sexy or fun to be around. Nobody is perfect so donʼt try to act like you are.
  • Reading and learning are to your mind what lifting weights is to your body.
  • Life is lived forwards and learned backwards.
  • Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.